


Coco-phany

by ineternity



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Hot Chocolate, Hurt and comfort, doctor who - Freeform, flying scalies, kaz does classic who, one shots, weird factories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-26 16:59:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17145566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineternity/pseuds/ineternity
Summary: The Doctor spills cocoa on the console. After a series of escalating events involving some questionable gnome manufacturing and a teaspoon a likely pair find themselves in a very unlikely situation.Classic who secret Santa for @aslanscompass. A short lil cracky fic with a heart.





	Coco-phany

**Author's Note:**

> I have the writing speed of a snail in an old people’s home so getting all of this done was the most satisfying thing I’ve done in a while. I hope I can write like this more because I’ve got so many ideas but a serious weirdness over writing. Thank you for stopping by and I hope you enjoy this little cracky fic in time for Christmas!

‘There, that should sort you out.’ Evelyn picks up the kettle and pours the contents into her favourite mug. She had bought the mug weeks (even months?) ago from a favourite student of hers back at the university, promising to buy another once it had eventually got lost in her travelling companion’s TARDIS. Mind you, it wasn’t just the ship that was vast and infuriating, so was it’s owner.

‘Ow!’ The Doctor groans and clutches his arm harder. ‘I’m positively certain. There was definitely cheating in that chess game.’

‘Don’t be such a baby. I’m sure Time Lords can heal twice as fast with a cup of cocoa.’

‘It doesn’t work like that!’

‘Shush now. I think we both need a sit down after that fiasco.’ She lays the tray carefully against the console, trying not to laugh at The Doctor’s wobbly bottom lip. It’s a rare moment of quiet between the two unlike their usual chatter and Evelyn takes a shine to it quickly. She enjoys their conversations but it almost feels like no time at all since she’d been back in her old house in Sheffield, relishing the time when she could knit in front of the fire or pour over a good student essay.

It had been a while since Evelyn had last looked up from her book so she sneaks a sideways glance at The Doctor. Only this time he lies stock still in his chair, a light snoring sound drifting from the consuming mass of curls

She’s not sure she’s ever seen The Doctor close his eyes for more than a second let alone asleep but it’s a sight she finds herself quite amusing. She decides to let him dwell a second before chuckling.

‘Wakey wakey.’

He snorts a little and jolts into sitting position. ‘Hmmmn?... Oh goodness-‘

‘You were asleep.’ Evelyn beams at the Doctor’s sleepy outrage. ‘A sight I thought I’d never see.’

‘And a sight I trust you won’t repeat to anyone- oh my!’ their heads both jolt back to the console and the now dripping stream of hot chocolate in a large puddle underneath it. There is a loud sigh from the chair opposite. ‘Easily fixed, I’m sure.’

The power in the room fails, plunging the pair into darkness.

\- - -  
‘How are you feeling?’ The Doctor looks guiltily towards his friend who has taken the liberty of his favourite armchair in his absence.

‘Sleepy and quite hungry after all that whizzing about!’ She twirls her spoon about to illustrate, it lands with a soft squelch in the cake next to her.

‘We’ve landed. It shouldn’t be too far to wherever the TARDIS is directing us.’ He swirls the coat dramatically and strides toward the door. ‘I’ll only be a tick.’ 

Evelyn laughs, plonking her plate somewhere safe.

‘Oh no you don’t. I fully intend on keeping you out of trouble.’

‘Hmm. Come on then.’

‘Thank you.’

‘May I have your teaspoon Evelyn?’ The Doctor peacocks out from behind the TARDIS doors brandishing the metal object. The implement would have gleamed and shone had there been light in the room however it appears the space they had stepped into was nearly pitch black. There is a proud cough from beside her. ‘My most honourable caterer. I must humbly welcome you to Argonia. Manufacturers of the only self maintaining TARDIS compatible bulbs in the universe.’

Evelyn takes a minute to adjust to the light inside what is beginning to look like a storage cupboard. The six walls are piled to the ceiling with packing crates that look like they came straight from the IKEA warehouse and everything is coloured a faint luminescent plum colour. It’s an orderly little cubby hole with all the makings of a pottering shed.

‘I’m not quite sure I’m following. There aren’t exactly any lights in here?’

‘That’s the catch with the Argonians, very hard working but entirely blind. They’re not usually accustomed to visitors you see, so they keep the whole system powered off to save energy- very precious on their home planet.’ He muses, tapping a nearby crate with his borrowed teaspoon. ‘We ought to see about getting that bulb, hm?’

The door opens automatically with a shuck-shuck sound but lengthens into a painful creaking at the end. They both step through, it’s a similar purple gloom but in this room there are several reptiles scattered around, patching nails onto the tops of containers before turning robotically when they are whisked away into more mysterious gloom.

‘Are they... hostile?’ Evelyn whispers, clutching gently at the Doctors coat.

‘Only if you interrupt their work.’

The factory seems to go on forever in various shades of fruity tints. They walk through boxy departments of citrus orange then lime and then an indescribable shade of yellow, all in the gloom of the Argonians who seem completely unbothered by their presence.

Before long they stop at a fork in the road and a small door to the side of another silent workshop. She realises as she feels a tug on her jacket that she is still holding on to The Doctor’s arm only her grip has tightened to a fist in the same spot he had been protesting about the same afternoon.

The room they step into is like nothing she’s ever seen before. In the very middle is a large twirling gnome man with a monopoly-esque moustache and two enormous light up orbs for eyes, around the edges are thousands and thousands of miniature replicas all buzzing with the same light.

‘By the light up bobble heads of Rassilon!’ The Doctor swears loudly, ‘And I don’t think I’ve ever meant that more literally.’

‘Rassilon? Now you’ve definitely told me about him. Surely you don’t mean literally?’ She looks properly this time, each tiny gnome man has a matching scarf- she assumes it’s red but the strange lighting makes any colour hard to see. If she gets closer each one of the camp-y models has its own miniature golden seal plastered on what looks like a fluffy red dressing gown. It’s quite a horrific sight and it’s chubby marshmallow face is beginning to make her feel queasy.

‘The bulbs are inside their eyes. If we tear into their... skulls, we should be able to find the wiring to detach them.’ He sighs with an audible amusement, ‘Ripping open Rassilon’s skull

‘I’m not exactly reassured by that. Somebody must be very keen on this Rassilon fellow to make this many...’ she leans in and grabs the small tag attached to the one she’s holding, ‘It says here ‘life sized replicas?’, anyway I’m sure they’d be cross if they found out we were looting their supplies as it were.’

‘This is somebody’s very strange idea of a joke. I’d rather not be here to find out who.’ There is a tone of wary annoyance in his voice as he surveys the eyes in some of the bobble heads. ‘Damn! We’re going to need a good thirty before we’ll get a good chance for it to start.’

‘It’s times like these I’m thankful for your pockets.’

The Doctor grimaces, sucking a lungful of air through his teeth. He eyes a shelf in the gloomy middle distance and scoops a figure off the side.

‘They’ll be tracked by the tech scanners, we’ll have to do this manually.’

‘Oh no.’

It’s a quick job. Both of them scoop up as many light-up Rassilons as their arms will permit and start the long trawl back to the TARDIS. As they skulk through each Argonian work room Evelyn feels a crawling sense of uneasy excitement, the fruity shades on the walls are dipping into greys and darker purples and they’ve definitely not been this way before.

‘Where are we?’

‘I’m not quite sure.’

‘Your arm seems to be much improved.’

‘Yes! So I am!’ The Doctor pats his wound as lightly as he can whilst encumbered. 

‘Oh, now you’re bleeding! Look, let me sort it.’ The pile of Rassilons clatter to the ground as the Doctor reaches inside his pocket for a hankie. There is a sharp hiss from in front of them.

‘What is the meaning of this?’ Hisses the biggest, most muscly reptile Evelyn has ever seen. ‘Guards!’

They only catch eyes for a second but it’s more than enough to grab their cargo and scarper.

‘Run!’

The lizard army behind them takes off, pairs of immaculate wings sprouting from behind each cloak. Evelyn notices The Doctor stuffing wads of Rassilons into his pockets as he runs but unlike normal they bulge with the weight, she flashes him a sceptical look and stuffs a Rassilon into her pocket with a mocking smirk.

‘I merely intended a bit of modesty on our part Evelyn, I pray I shall never have to carry any of this ridiculous tat again!’

‘Modesty was the last thing on my mind Doctor, rather the swarm of giant flying reptiles that appear to be heading this way.’ Evelyn can hear her feet slamming on the floor like ammo from a machine gun. Her heart is pounding ten to the dozen, it’s the giddiest she’s felt in years even on medication. ‘Doctor?’

‘Yes Evelyn?’

‘I don’t suppose you picked up my teaspoon?’

\- - -

‘Perfect!’ He slams down the lever.

One by one the eyes of all thirty Rassilons gleam into life around the central console and the machine groans into life. ‘Bloody lucky escape.’ He thought. How could he have forgotten his last tiff on Argonia? It had definitely involved The Master and some convoluted scheme, he’d made sure to cause a lot of embarrassment to the Argonian government and to him. Of course they’d take offence to him stealing their collection of luminescent Rassilons. Stupid Doctor. He turns his attention back to his invention.

‘Worthy of the High Council and I would know, eh Evelyn?’

There is a muffled snore from the other side of the TARDIS as The Doctor’s armchair rocks it’s sleepy inhabitant. He sighs. It was going to be a long night.


End file.
